Excerpt: The Ontario government recently admitted that they are running low on new ideas for how to screw taxpayers out of their money, while still making them feel good about getting screwed. A representative for the government told us, “we’re at the bottom of the barrel right now, 4th and long, penalty shot in overtime. We need something big, and soon. We’re looking for the Gordon Bombay triple-deke of screw overs.” The government rep then went on to explain that despite their current snag, the Ontario government had nothing but praise for Global Warming and the Green movement saying:
Yeah, thank God for the whole climate change thingy. That was a big cash cow for us and couldn’t have come at a better time. I mean, remember that eHealth debacle? Yeeesh. With climate change we were able to redeem ourselves and siphon gratuitous amounts of taxpayer money, and in the end, the people of Ontario felt pretty darn good about it. Any government can screw over people, but making them feel good about it and have them continually vote for you at the polls, that’s an art. People felt so guilty about supposedly ruining the planet, emissions, and carbon footprints, that we were able to pile on subsidy after subsidy for new green energy and blame the whole thing on coal. I can vividly recall the night George and Dalton were at Jack Astors — it’s Dalton’s favorite place, the guy goes mental over being able to draw on the tables — and over a plate of Ultimate Nachos, they came up with the Green Energy Act and the whole Feed-in Tariff program. It was the perfect combination of Molson Export, mozzarella and sticky fingers that created the ideal atmosphere for a brainstorming session. When they explained it to me, all I could think was, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching.